The Excellent Wife

I've been spending a lot of time praying about and seeking ways to improve my marriage. Let's confess for those of us who are married, our marriages aren't perfect. Some of us argue more than others. Some of us argue about bigger things than others. None of us agree on everything. How we handle ourselves can make or break our marriages. Most of the time I focused on how I could help my husband. On Sunday night however, God finally led me in the direction of helping myself. I was browsing bible study guides on amazon and this is what I decided to buy.

I was excited to have received it so quickly. It came in the mail today. I downloaded the corresponding book onto my Kindle and started it right away. By the time I finished the first chapter I felt closer to God. I decided I would immediately start applying what I learned. I can honestly say that just with what little wisdom I gained so far there was already a shift in the dynamic between my husband and me. It felt amazing and only made my desire for self improvement stronger. 

For anyone who doesn't fully understand the concept of what it actually means to submit to the authority of your husband, or for anyone who doesn't have the desire in their hearts to live for God and Christ, this book might make you a little uncomfortable but even with that aside there is a lot of good advice I believe any wife can appreciate!

To find the book on amazon click here

Billy is 2!

I can't believe my youngest baby is 2 years old today! Time has surely flown by for our little firecracker! And he is, such a firecracker!
When we started planning for another child after our wedding, we couldn't wait! We were blessed after about 5 months to find out we were expecting again! In the first months I was terribly sick, in the hospital a few times for dehydration, same as before. I love when that subsides and I'm really able to enjoy my pregnancy. I had gestational diabetes this time around, but I stuck to a healthy diet, exercised, and kept track of my blood sugar so despite the diabetes, the rest of my pregnancy was fairly easy.
Tracking back in time to October 9, 2012. I went into the hospital very early in the morning for a scheduled C-section. I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, but I was looking forward to still being less tired than the average Mom after giving birth, because I was skipping the hard work that is labor. Even though I had done this before I was extremely nervous. I was also very excited! We were having another baby boy, God had given us what we had prayed for, a namesake for my Dad. In just a few hours, William James Barnes would be born!
Sure enough, we got our healthy baby boy! Born at 9:18am at a small 6 pounds and 14 ounces, was this beautiful boy!

 

 Emotional reactions were tough for me because his birth was surgical. I was strapped to the operating table, oxygen in my nose, unable to move, feeling like I couldn't breath. Epidurals always made me feel horrible. I got a glimpse of him in my husbands arms before being carted up to recovery. About 3 hours later, I was settled into a room and given Billy for the first time. Love at first sight!

I always loved the hospital stays with my children. I know that sounds crazy but recovering from the birth felt like an amazing bonding experience to have with my children. This was my time to really get to know the life we created. I spend hours holding, kissing, and studying this tiny person, and feeling such joy and happiness! He was so perfect! (and still is)

Fast forward, two years. Billy is our firecracker! His personality is SO big and he has entertained and enriched our lives more than we could imagine. He is adventurous and loves to explore the world, especially in any other direction but ours. He is so independent, much like I'm told I was. He is me, inside and out. His attitude, his stubborn tendencies, he is even a morning person, just like me! He has my eyes, my dad's eyes, and it is such an amazing thing that our little boy, given the name of my Dad, looks like him also.

 

Billy is my little cuddle bug. He spends hours a day in my lap, cuddled up with me, and I take that time to take him in, because he won't be this small forever. He already wants to do his own thing. He is unstoppable!

We are so blessed to be this little boy's parents. His smile and his words will melt the hearts of anyone, especially mine. He is my energetic, happy, one of a kind boy, and I couldn't ask for more! Happy 2nd birthday Billy! We pray to be blessed with many more years on this earth raising you and watching you be extraordinary!



 



 





Timmy is 4!

My four year old....
It's hard to believe it, I am now the mother of a four year old boy! Now is a time of reflection, of talking about who he is and what he means to me.
Those days of infancy are long gone. Like any mom of toddlers, I sometimes long for those days. What I have with him now is so special, and is completely untradeable for the past or the future.
I have a four year old, and there is nothing else like it! It's hard to remember everything, but I do my best to bank all of the amazing things he says and does in my brain and in my heart.



I loved cuddling with infant Timmy, I could have cuddled with him all day long. That feeling hasn't gone away, and he doesn't always want me to hold onto him, but when he does, he cuddles back, and that is something I wouldn't give up to be able to cuddle my infant son again.

I loved his silent baby communication, and the baby babble. I loved knowing he was happy just by his smile, and as he started to grow into a toddler, his inability to form words properly was to die for. Now, I love listening to him tell me stories, I love how well he speaks, I love how he uses his words to tell me what he is thinking, feeling, imagining, and I've happily traded the silence and smiles for the "I love you's" and the conversation.
I loved that infant Timmy never talked back to me. I loved that everything I said and did was perfectly fine by him. Of course, I'm not going to say that I love his stubbornness, and the defiance, the testing of boundaries that comes with being a 4 year old. I'm going to say I love how he teaches me patience, and unconditional, perfect love. How despite those times when I feel like I can't even get him under control, and my head wants to explode, he is still the center of my universe!



My four year old is smart! He amazes me every day with his ability to take in all of the information he learns and not forget it! Tim and I just LOVE teaching him! We have to get creative, because he isn't one of those children who can sit and learn something. He needs to see the world around him and experience what he is learning and I love that about our sweet boy!

 



My four year old is forgiving. I make mistakes. I sometimes overreact to the little things. I don't always give him what he wants, but he forgives me for that, and I know this, because he still comes to me for comfort, protection, and love. He still wants me when he is hurt, angry, or not feeling well. I'm still going to be his Mom no matter what and while he is young, he is old enough to realize that. He is amazing enough to forgive me when I'm wrong or just don't agree with him.
My four year old is kind. He has those typical toddler problems with sharing, especially with his little brother. But he is kind, he is polite. He holds doors for me. He says please and thank you. He asks if you're ok if you have a coughing fit, and "Bless you" when you sneeze. If you remind him to share he will. If you're sad he will hug you.
My four year old has faith. He may not realize how vast and amazing God's love is yet, but he knows the importance of prayer. We had a conversation on our camping trip about heaven, and I'm not sure what he remember about that, or everything else we talk about where faith is concerned, but he's learning, and he's listening, and I'm looking forward to watching his awe and love for the Lord grow.
With every year we've left behind us, we've gained another with our precious boy! He is healthy, he is happy, and every day we all wake up we are blessed with that day together and it is awesome! 

 



It's incredible how a person of so few years can be so many things! It's unbelievable how a human being so young can teach me as an adult so much.
I wouldn't trade four years old for anything. I'm going to enjoy watching him grow every day I get to be on this earth with him.



Faith and Fingerprints

It's been a year and a half since my last blog post (I am very non-committal to this)

Why title this one "faith and fingerprints?"

The answer is simple. It's what a lot of my life is about. I am a wife, I'm raising children, and I'm doing my absolute best to be a good Christian woman.
Finger painting is messy, life is messy. That mess can cover the path towards salvation. It happens to the best of us, whether it takes us an hour to clear the mess, a day, weeks, months, or years, the important thing is to get going back on that path at some point.

My boys are growing up so fast! Timmy is almost 4 and Billy is almost 2.



If I'm being honest, and looking back on my last post, I am not living up to the words I posted about patience and understanding. If anything, my patience has thinned since then. I'm definitely a mom that needs improvement. I go to bed every night telling myself I'm going to use kinder words the next day, and I always fail. Having one toddler was tough, having two toddlers is more difficult than I ever could have imagined before getting to this point.

There is this great website. www.openbible.info I read my bible almost daily, but sometimes, when something is really bothering me, and I need a quick answer to my question about how to handle it, I use this tool. The internet is great isn't it?

"Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." Proverbs 19:11

I just learned this one tonight. I am grateful for scripture, it gives me a great guideline to life and the way it should be lived in order to have peace and happiness. I am unhappy with myself when I am angry with my boys. They don't deserve my harsh words or raised voice. It also makes anger an issue for them.

"A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger." Proverbs 15:1

How true this is. When I get angry, it doesn't make the boys obedient and kind. They yell back at me, or fight with each other. This only frustrates me farther, and it becomes a cycle. It needs to start with me, I need to calm my mind and my heart. I am hoping putting my thoughts down like this gives me clarity. It is my hope that my honesty helps even one other mom out there realize she isn't alone when she has her moments of anger and frustration towards her kids, and I am a mom you can be honest with about it. I make no judgments here. In fact, if you are looking for a great book to read that is so unbelievably relatable for Moms like me I can recommend one. I haven't finished  reading it yet but I was in tears after the first couple of pages. You can find it on amazon.com

I realize this post has been a little scattered, much like the thoughts in my head. Bear with me. If I can commit to posting more often perhaps I can be more focused :)





Patience and Attention

I haven't written a post in a long time, and I think a suitable post would be one about patience. I am now a mommy of two beautiful baby boys. Timmy is 2 years old, and Billy is almost 4 months old, and they sure are Beautiful!

There are many adjustments to make involving having two children, the most challenging for me has been learning to be patient, especially with my toddler. Having to tell him 57 times in 10 minutes to take another bite of his dinner, trying to potty train and cleaning up accident after accident off the floor, trying to keep him from poking his brother in the eyes, among many other things, have tested me in ways I've never been tested. And when he does things like this:

after getting ahold of the baby powder. All I could do to not yell or scold in a harsh way was to laugh and snap a photo to show him what kind of trouble he would get into when he gets older. Another one happened tonight, you really can't take your eyes off these kids for a second, or they will dump all the fish food in the tank, meaning well to feed them, but probably ultimately killing them

I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement. I always have been. I believe in treating my children like the blessings that they are, and never taking them for granted. I believe in hugging them tight and loving them every day. As my family grows, using kind words and a soft voice and a gentle hand gets extremely difficult at times. My toddler is just learning, he is curious and he is growing. He is always testing his limits, and I still slip, I still make mistakes, I still do these things at least once on a daily basis, and I mess up. I am always trying to find ways to discipline him in a positive way. I pray to God for guidance all the time, because I don't always know what to do.

I posted this poem on my  wall, because it will be a constant reminder of what I need to do every day.

 

The Struggles and Praises of 2011

Our family has had some pretty intense struggles from the beginning. Right before we found out we were pregnant with Timmy, Tim had lost his current job, and we were living on unemployment and love for a long time. As a matter of fact, during my pregnancy, Tim went for his CDL and even then, didn't find a job until November 2010, and it wasn't even a driving job. We continued to struggle to meet our financial needs. We were using government assistance to heat our home in the winter, and to pay for groceries, and luckily had the help of many friends and family as we did our best to provide for our son and work through the struggle. 
Fast forward, May 2011, Tim is still working in a grocery store, and we are so strapped, I decide it's time for me to get a part time job that I can work around his schedule. We just had no luck, and we kept praying, knowing God wasn't far away, and seeing us struggle. "Lord we don't know how much more we can handle" Our wedding was 4 months away, we had nothing at all for it, and no money coming in anytime in the near future that wasn't already going towards our essentials. The bills got backed up, we had our cable shut off a few times, and fell behind on just about everything else. Tim had been trying to find a driving job that he wouldn't be away for weeks at a time, but to no avail. 
He had applied and interviewed at GFS about three or four times. Just kept going up, not giving up. Then, at the very end of may in 2011, one of Tim's interviews lands him a job driving for GFS! It's time to get cracking on this wedding stuff.
By the time we were caught up with bills we had less than three months to pay for this wedding. So of course, money was still tight, despite the major increase in salary. I had quit my job after only working about a month. We still had only one car and I wouldn't have been able to drive to work. Plus I would have only been paying for day care anyway. 
We bought our second car, a minivan, at the end of June. We hadn't had two cars since I got pregnant. I had to sell my s 10 to the junkyard for some extra cash. It was so nice, if Tim was at work, and I needed to take Timmy somewhere, or go somewhere, I could go. 
So, we had a fabulous and amazing wedding!

On our wedding day.

We are finally getting to see the pictures from it. I'll do a special blog about it when I get them all back :)

Anyway, as I look under our tree, and see all the amazing toys and fun stuff we have wrapped for Timmy to open Christmas morning, it really makes me look back at last year, when if it weren't for the organization Nurse Family Partnership, we wouldn't have had any gifts for him at all. We have been off government assistance since June, and despite the slightly tight financial situation we're in due to Christmas, its nothing like it used to be, and we are so grateful to God for seeing when we'd had enough, and providing for in the way we needed.

I'm also thinking about the fact that for other family members and friends of ours, there is a current struggle in their lives. I'll keep them anonymous, but you know who you are, and I'm praying SO hard for you right now. It's hard not to feel guilty about the things in my life, but I have to remember to always be grateful to God, and praise him no matter what. We don't always understand his plan, but we're not supposed to. There is always going to be some sort of tragedy or heartache in someone's life out there, and for my family, we're experiencing that now. I will keep my faith, and keep praying for everyone who needs it. And anyone who is reading this, if you need a prayer also, let me know, I'd be happy to say one for you!

Little Man, Big Emotions

I used to talk to Timmy all the time about Daddy when he was on the road. At the age he was, of course, he just sat there and listen, and when he'd hear him on the phone he'd wave at him, the cutest thing ever. It never seemed to bother him much that Daddy was away, even though he was SO happy to see him when he'd get home.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure that Timmy is starting to feel emotions about it now. A few days ago I said to Timmy "where's Daddy?" Immediately he turned is head toward the stairs and started waving. (He does that when Daddy either comes in the door or comes downstairs from a nap) He just kept looking and waving, and when Daddy didn't come down the steps, he layed his head on the couch, and sobbed.
Well, this absolutely broke my heart. :( If I had known he would have gotten upset, I wouldn't have said anything. Already at such a young age, he's feeling these emotions of sadness when his Daddy isn't home. The last time he came home, Timmy heard the front door opening and bolted to the baby gate to see him. Something else he never used to do.
Tim is such a wonderful provider, and he amazes me all the time with the sacrifices he makes so I can live my own dream of staying home with my son, and any other future children, to watch them grow, and to guide them in the right direction. I get to take care of my husband, I get to take care of Timmy. I have such an amazing life because of him. But it's also very hard. I wish he didn't have to go, and I know he wishes he didn't have to go either. Being a truck driver's wife is not easy, no easier than being a truck driver. 
To my loving husband:
Thank you so much for everything you do to take care of us and make sure we are happy and healthy! 
We love you!