Update 2/16/17

 It's been a busy couple of weeks since I deleted my facebook and instagram accounts. Sometimes I miss being able to update my friends and family in a moment of what is going on in our world, but most of the time I am grateful for the relief from something that, despite its advantages, was mostly a waste of time for me. Anyway, a lot has been happening around here lately.

Timmy and Billy are in a bowling league, which they are really loving. Every Tuesday they bowl a game on their team with their cousin Gary. All three of them are very good, and have a blast doing it! Since starting, Timmy has earned his 75 pin game patch, and Billy has earned his 100 pin game patch, and been bowler of the week once.

The Busy B's

Billy is especially hysterical when he bowls. He uses the force often as the ball travels down the lane, and changes his position many times while he waits for it to reach the pins. If you know Billy, you know he won't remain still while he watches the ball.

The phases of Billy bowling

These two weeks have been pretty big for Billy, he also had his first eye exam, and we learned that he is farsighted and has an astigmatism in both of his eyes. I blame genetics, I and others in my family have the same eye problems. Dr. McManaway is fantastic, and his exam rooms are perfectly set up for kids. Both Billy and Lexi had a good time playing while we were there. The eye drops they put in Billy's eyes, he was not such a big fan of. Two of us had to hold him down while they put four sets of drops in. He did well though and he looks so handsome in his new glasses!

First eye test

Mini me!

At the eye doctor

 I got to spend some time one on one with Timmy recently as well, when I took him roller skating! We both had a blast! It was a little bit of a disaster at first, when he was gliding his feet forward and backward it made it hard for him to stay up, but by the time we were 30 minutes in, he was getting really good! He fell a few times but he got right back up and kept going! He's looking forward to doing it again, and plans to go with Daddy and play some laser tag for the first time as well!

Roller roost!

A couple of years ago I was given an idea for a project from my sister in law for our dining room window, and I'm glad I procrastinated because we have since then added our amazing Alexis to the brood. It is to take a photo of my kids in the window during each season of the year. We finally had some snow so I got a great winter photo. The magnolia tree tells all the seasons, in the spring it has flowers, summer it has green leaves, fall the leaves change and fall, so the tree will always tell the season. One photo down, three to go. 

Winter

As for what I've got going on, I'm powering through a semester of Anatomy & Physiology and Intermediate Algebra. I've been stressing out most of the time over the overwhelming amount of material there is to learn, which is why it took me so long to blog.Currently I am studying the bones and joints of the body, fortunately I have the help of a quiet, but extremely useful friend....

Agrashea

Billy determined she is a female, and named her Agrashea (ah-gray-she-ah) clever isn't he? Agrashea is an anatomically correct dis-articulated skeleton. She has all of the bones and bone markings of an actual skeleton, and I could not learn them without her, (there are more than 250) and that is just one of the 3 chapters I have to learn for my next exam in two weeks. Sometimes it's hard to push through and keep studying when I feel very overwhelmed. However, I surprised myself with my success on exam one, and it's a major motivator. Sometimes, I can't even believe I'm doing this so many years out of school and with so many young kids, but it's going well in general. Having a husband who is supportive of my goals helps, he's making a number of sacrifices so I can get in that extra hour of studying or waking up too early on a Friday so I can have a few extra days to prepare for an exam, and I'm grateful for it!

Stay tuned for more updates every couple of weeks!

The whole 30 revelation

Today is day 21 of the whole 30 plan for me, and I'm certain I am going to finish it this time. If you're not familiar with this program, I'll give you the basics of it. The idea is to change your diet to one consisting of whole and natural foods. That means saying goodbye to sugar (except that is nuts and fruits, but they should be limited) grains, legumes (beans of any kind,) and the big one for me; dairy.
The whole 30 plan is filled with easy days and very, very hard days, especially in the first 15 days. Headaches, mood swings, and bloating to name the most apparent for me. There were days that I really REALLY just wanted to eat a slice of pizza with my family, have a chocolate muffin with my ladies at MOPS, or grab a dunkin iced coffee on my way to church or the grocery store. However, I pushed through, and not without the help of a handful of friends who are doing this program with me, giving me even more ideas that they are discovering for making whole foods amazing!

I just wanted to name a few things that I've learned from this program. Partly as a way to inform friends of mine who are considering the whole 30, and partly as a way to document for myself what it's done for me, so I can look back on this if I ever fall completely off the wagon again. These amazing things are happening with my body. My clothes are fitting better, I've got a lot of energy (most days) and even my focus has improved! But I want to talk about how this program has changed the way I think about food.

1. I've learned that I do in fact, have self control. Something that I've done, and I'm sure a lot of us have done, is eaten food because it was there, available to me. Namely at meetings, birthday parties, anywhere that sells and serves food. Why not try a little, or a lot, of everything, until I left with pains in my stomach, full and ready to burst? Because, how is that a good feeling? Eating food means pleasure for so many people, including me. I felt pleasure every Friday when I ate half of a buffalo chicken stromboli slathered in ranch dressing. That pleasure was short lived. Sometimes followed by the pain of feeling full, or the pain of feeling empty because I knew what I had just put into my body was not healthy and not good for it. Now however, I know that I can drive by a dunkin donuts without stopping in, and say no to the sugary sweets at MOPS, and to the 2nd hamburger at a birthday party. Now, that is not to say that at the end of this program I won't still get a coffee, have a cookie, or eat a plate of food at a party. What it means is, that I won't overindulge just because it is available to me. If I can say no to it completely, I can say no to overindulgence. This I'm hoping will also continue to do wonders on my binge eating habits. I "binged" 3 times in the last 21 days, and when I say binged it was on an extra serving of veggies or a meal I'd made, always whole 30. I'm not perfect after all. I've learned to control my mindless eating habits which leads me to my next revelation.

2. I've learned what food as a form of pleasure really is for me. Like I said above, pleasurable eating meant junk food. The cheesiest, greasiest junk food. I never had much of a sweet tooth but savory foods were my enemy. Cheesesteak, tacos, wings, pizza, all very delicious foods, and also foods I can live without or change. I made homemade taco seasoning last night, and had taco salad. Ground beef, taco seasoning, over a bed of cauliflower rice, mixed with avocado and tomatoes. It was delicious and I was very happy to discover that I could have my comfort food without hurting my body. Tonight I'm having a sweet potato stuffed with buffalo chicken and topped with homemade whole 30 ranch dressing which tastes amazing! I enjoy food more now. I don't just scarf things down because I WANT to eat. I wait until I'm hungry, I cook the meal that I planned, and I enjoy food so much more because it has a purpose to fuel my body, and it really does taste delicious. I've had some food fails, like the first chili recipe I tried, and the cauliflower chowder I made. They were pretty terrible. The second chili recipe I made was amazing, and so were most of the other foods I've had.

3. Meal planning. This is an important step in a successful whole 30. My family will eat some of the dinners I make, but usually the kids have cereal in the morning and grains with their lunch, so I have a chart and each day is split into 9 squares. My 3 meals, the kids 3 meals, and because Tim works a different schedule and doesn't have a microwave at work anymore, his 3 meals. Sounds like a lot but like I said most of the time, we eat the same dinner. I've also learned that it's ok to make my kids eat leftovers. I can make a lasagna and feed Tim and the kids for two days with that. One less meal I have to make. I'm also making a bigger effort to feed my kids healthier as well by trying to buy less fish sticks and chicken nuggets, and when I do, using them as something on the side as opposed to the staple of a meal. It's been fun coming up with new ways to enjoy whole foods.

So what's next for me? Well, day 31 will definitely call for an iced coffee on my way to Hershey, and how sweet of a reward that will be! I'm going to keep going with my meal planning this way, however. I read about rewarding yourself without planning it. I'm not going to say things like "on this day I'll have a cheat meal, or a cheat day." I'm going to continue to eat whole foods as often as now, but with the occasional slice of cake or plate of wings here and there. I'll probably fall back into old habits again and again throughout my life as well, but doing the best I can will have to be enough.

Teaching my kids character, structure, and respect

As a mom, I've been a bit of a failure over the last year. Sure I've loved my kids with all of my heart, taken care of their basic needs, but I have failed in a big way. I haven't been their teacher, their instructor, a presence in their lives, I've been here but I haven't been HERE.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it. 
Proverbs 22:6 NIV

In the last year I've accomplished a lot. I've gotten straight A's in school, kept the house well, cooked healthy meals for my family, lost a great deal of weight, run my first 10k, completed bible studies, and taken care of my kids.
However I've also done frivolous things like binge watched 10 seasons of Grey's anatomy for the 4th time, played hours of Skyrim since it was released for the xbox one, and scrolled through my facebook news feed every 20 minutes on some days.
What I haven't done, was be present enough to invest in the training and character of my kids. My boys, my little blessings, the children God entrusted in my care, have greatly suffered for it, and they don't even know it. Now that I've realized it myself, it's time I made some changes.
The boys are often disrespectful, lash out in anger when they are punished, hitting each other when they are angry with each other, and lack self control in just about everything. I blamed them. It was their fault. Why couldn't they behave? Why couldn't they do better? Why are they acting like this?

But it isn't their fault, it's mine.

I'm disrespectful when I don't let them speak their minds because I'm too busy punishing them. I lash out in anger when I punish them for their wrong doing. I use corporal punishment when I don't like something they do. I lack self control when they make mistakes no matter how big or small. I'm modeling the exact same behavior that I'm seeing in them every day, I do nothing else. Sure I talk to them, I play with them, but I also do so little to teach them to be good, kind, and in control of their emotions.

By the way, this isn't easy. None of us as moms want to admit to our faults and failures as parents. We fear judgement of others. I'm trying not to fear right now. The only judgement I should fear is the judgement of the Lord. My hope is that my admittance reminds other moms that feeling failure is normal and we all make mistakes when raising our kids, because none of us are perfect. So moving on, what am I going to do about it?

I had a major realization of just what is happening the day after Christmas, which was actually Christmas Day for everyone else. Our kids had had their new toys for only one day. When I put their train table together in their room, I told them that if they took the tracks apart, I would take them away. Not only did they throw the tracks all over the room before the day was out, but a new toy got broken and another one bent, and less than 24 hours after they received these things. I must admit I went a little crazy. I yelled a lot, I took every new thing they received out of their room, I banned them from video games, I yelled a lot more. I was so beyond frustrated with them! After all of this, I knew that taking away their things was a good punishment, then  I realized I went about it all wrong. I had become this mom monster that my kids didn't like, and I didn't like.

I began to realize where the problems lie. Why was Timmy constantly "parenting" Billy? Because I put that on him. It was always small commands that I thought nothing of. I wasn't asking him to punish his brother. "Timmy, go check on Billy." "Timmy, get your brother away from there." Timmy, tell your brother to get out of there." I was setting him up for the parent role because I was too busy  to take it on myself. He was delivering punishment the way he saw me do it. Yikes! So what am I doing about this? It's a tough habit for him to break, he just immediately hits his brother when he is doing something wrong. So now it's my job to teach him to talk to his brother about the things he doesn't like, and come to me if the problem persists. It's not his job, but my job, and I promised him I would do it better.
Why does Billy have no self control? Sure, some of it has to do with age and personality, but it certainly doesn't have to be as bad as it is. He has no structure. Why? Because I don't offer him any. I keep saying to myself, that he is going to preschool in the fall, he'll get structure there. But it's not their job to fix the problem, it's mine. I think a big culprit lies in the number of hours he spends a day playing video games. Since Timmy has been in school, we have implemented a rule that he is only to play video games on the weekends. However, I've continued to let Billy play them throughout the week. Not only that, but most days while I'm busy doing other things, whether important or frivolous, I've let him play video games most days from the time Timmy leaves until he returns. The day goes by so quickly I don't even realize he is playing video games for almost seven hours a day! And he's only 4 years old! Well, change is coming. Video games will be restricted to the weekends and no more than an hour a day on the weekdays if he earns it. I will make more time to be there for him by cutting out the things I don't need. The constant checking of facebook, and keeping the TV off for most of the day. He deserves better from me. He thinks it's great of course that he is playing games all day, it's so much fun! But it's my job to find other ways for him to have fun, and give him more structure.

Moving on, I've been working on setting up a new structure. I've only just begun so there will be changes all the time, but here is what is happening now.

More responsibility: I spend many hours a day cleaning up after my family, and the most I ask of the boys is to clean their room every couple of weeks and clear their plate from the table. Occasionally I ask them to help me clean the living room and throw something away. Part of their punishment for treating their toys badly was a lot of chores yesterday. Sweeping the floor, cleaning every room with me, vacuuming, putting their own stuff away, taking out the trash, wiping down their space after eating, putting their clothing on hangers and hanging it in the closet. What did I discover? Two boys arguing over who got to take the trash out, wipe down the counter tops, and put their clothing on hangers. Two boys who WANTED to do these things. Why didn't I try this sooner? I've always heard kids crave structure and responsibility, and now I'm witnessing it. I plan to make a chore chart for them to remind me of the importance of this. An added bonus is that having their help frees up my time to spend more time enjoying them and less time shooing them away because I'm cleaning up.

Less screen time: No video games during the week, for either of them. I'm still working out the TV details but I'm thinking an hour of cartoons in the afternoon and an hour in the evening every day. I'm also working out a way to make them earn their screen time.

Daily devotionals: I found a great character qualities worksheet to work off of. Every week a new character quality and memory verse. We started with Truth vs. Deception. Lying has become a problem, especially with Timmy, so this is a great place to start. If anyone is interested in a copy of the character qualities worksheet for their own kids, just ask!

Daily workbook time: For Timmy this means practicing things like sight words, and writing. For Billy, this might mean a sticker workbook, or coloring. Either way, they need some education at home, not just at school.

Daily reading time: Especially because Timmy is learning to read. Grab some books, sit on the couch, and either read or look at the pictures. This gives me a little quiet time and gives them structure as well.

Adjusting their punishment: Screaming at them and constant corporal punishment obviously isn't working. I believe in spanking when it is well deserved for the most serious issues. Punishment looks different for every child. It would seem that taking away the things they love is effective, and when I return their train tracks to them today and remind them what happens if they mistreat their toys, the result will be an indication of the effectiveness of this punishment. I also plan not to punish them in anger, even if that means taking a few moments to calm my nerves before deciding how to handle a situation.

In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. 
Ephesians 4:26

I am praying and hopeful that these changes will bring about change in my boys and myself. All three of my children are blessings from the Lord, and they need me to be their instructor and love them unconditionally.

I've said it already, there are many ways I need to work out these changes, and for any of you who have read this entire post, that may have suggestions or wisdom in the area of parenting, I will happily accept any advice or comments on how to improve myself and teach my kids in this area.

The War Room, and how it's inspired me to break away from all social media

If you haven't seen "War Room" yet, I'm disclosing that I'm not about to add any spoilers, but below there is a brief synapse of the movie. :)

Last night I finally got to watch "War Room." It was a fantastic movie, both touching and humorous. The roles played by Priscilla Shirer, Karen Abercrombie, and T.C. Stallings were inspired and moving. If you don't know what it's about, it is about a couple who is struggling in their marriage and in their spiritual life, and with the help of a very funny and Godly mentor, they are able to repair their marriage and get right with God. Elizabeth Jordan, played by Priscilla Shirer, describes her life as "too busy" for time of prayer and a relationship with Jesus. I think a lot of us Christians go through phases of life when we feel that way. Currently, I have a full schedule of classes, responsibilities as a wife and mother, and spending time with my friends and other family when I can, there just isn't time for God and Jesus in the picture right?
Wrong! I don't spend EVERY WAKING MOMENT taking care of my family, playing with my family, and studying for tests. I spend time watching TV in the evenings, I spend time playing candy crush and scrolling through social media. In fact, I spend quite a bit of my morning with my smartphone. Right there, that is something superficial that is getting in the way of me and Jesus. I like knowing what is going on with my friends and family, but since when is that the only thing facebook offers? If it was, we'd spend a lot less time with it. 
So here I am again, wanting to take a hiatus from social media. Except it will be an extremely long hiatus. Because I'm consumed in a big way by school work, I'm putting my social media accounts aside, at least for the duration of this semester, in order to focus more on what's important. I am nothing without God, so I need him first and foremost. 
I've heard great things about the books written by Stormie Omartian such as The Power of a Praying Wife, and The Power of a Praying Mom. I can't wait to read all of them, but first I will read The Power of a Praying Woman, because I feel it's important to get my own relationship with God right before anything else. 

I'm looking forward to this next great read, and really getting my life back in order! Christianbooks is having a "fall mega sale" right now, so I'd love to have some ladies join me in this bible study. We can have discussions in my home or online. If you love Jesus but are looking to build a stronger relationship, or don't know Jesus and are looking to learn more, Join me on this journey! I'll order you a book just send me a message! 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

                                   Matthew 6:33

To my bread winning husband....

Today marks five years we've been married. Five years of both hardship and bliss. I'd like to celebrate that by thanking you.

I recently read a letter from another wife to her breadwinner husband. I could have shared it on Facebook with a quick "Love you babe" and a heart emoji. This I felt, was much better.
You see....I enjoyed the sentiment of her letter, but her facts and feelings were different from mine. So here it is, my love.

I see you. Day in and day out, for all of the years we've been married plus some, going to work to make a living. I watched you come home, your body tired and sore after working 14 hour days not just driving, but unloading entire trucks by hand, alone, twice a week, for years. (I'm so grateful that you aren't doing that anymore!) For years we said goodbye to you for days at a time. Then you would come home and stay up for more than 24 hours before going to bed. (Also glad you don't do that anymore!) We had each other, me and the kids. You had your truck and the road. We had each other, you were alone. We're so blessed to be able to see you every day now, even if only for ten minutes, but despite your slightly easier workload, I see that your sacrifices don't stop there. There are many pictures of you playing with and taking care of our kids in your work uniform. Even playing one of our children's new games on Christmas Day before getting on the road. For years this is what it was like. 

Timmy will be 6 this year, and so 6 years will have also gone by that I have been a stay at home mom. Long before I became a mom I wanted to do that. Here I am. I'm living that dream. Not only am I living that dream but I was able to pursue another dream and start a ministry. Now I'm pursuing the career of my dreams and taking college classes to prepare for nursing school. I'm pursuing my dream of becoming a runner. If there is something I'm passionate about you have always paved the way for me to make it happen! I know you had big dreams for yourself, too. When we met you could have chosen to pursue any dream you wanted and you choose me. That is such an incredible blessing to me! And there are times I definitely don't deserve it. No matter what I'm doing or whether our relationship is on an up or a down, your loving sacrifice of keeping this family afloat is unchanging. You work out there and always do your best to balance everything that's happening here. 

As I write this and think about these things I can't help it I'm beaming because I'm just so proud of you! I pray that God continues to bless and impact us and our marriage as long as we are alive. I still do babe!

60 Before 30- Six months down.

In 15 days I will be 29 years old. When I was 27 I told myself I was not going to spend the rest of my 20's overweight. For a woman who is 5'3 overweight is anything over 130 pounds. So after all, I will likely be overweight for the rest of my 20's. However, I have a chance to make a change and be in the best shape of my life when I reach 30 years of age. I've been blessed with three beautiful, healthy children. After three births, and the beginning of this year, I weighed 195 pounds. Yikes! This set my goal weight loss at 65 pounds. Not as catchy so I'm calling it my 60 before 30. Get it?

So here I am, one-third of the way through it. The first two months were great, as the weight fell off. After that, motivation and good eating habits became a struggle to maintain. I was fairly consistent with my exercise, at the very least I was walking to reach 10,000 steps almost every day. However, exercise is nothing without healthy eating habits. Some months, I lost only about a pound. It was discouraging at times but it was forward progress and although there were times that I slacked off, I never gave up.

I'd like to share a little about the tools I used for the first six months. In January, I accidentally stumbled upon www.skinnymom.com and the Skinny Mom 21 Day Shred. I liked this meal plan because it included grocery lists, every recipe, and even dinners for at least four to feed an entire family. The food was delicious and there was no work counting calories or coming up with meals to make. I did three rounds of this, and they weren't all perfect but it worked well. I also used the great FREE workouts from the Skinny Mom YouTube channel. The creator of Skinny Mom, Brooke Griffin, also released this fantastic cookbook this year, skinny suppers. I'm telling you, the food is amazing and healthy! You can check out the 21 Day Shred here.

I've also been getting in shape by running on a regular basis. When my family moved in 2013 I stopped running. Oh how I missed it! I'm so glad to be back into it, and I'm currently training to run a 10k sometime in the fall. I consistently run 3 miles 2-3 times a week. I wake up at 5am before the kids get up and before my husband goes to bed. It's not always fun, I don't always want to do it. However, I found that if I want to get myself into shape, I find the time, and sacrifice an extra hour of sleep for the health of my body. It's so worth it!

I'm trying something new for the next phase of my journey. My very dear friend Bethany sent me a 21 Day Fix system in the mail last week. Today marks a new place and a new plan. I enjoyed the 21 Day Shred, however, trying different plans keeps me interested and vastly increases my knowledge of healthy eating as well as introduces me to an even larger variety of healthy foods and recipes. I'm excited for this new plan and ready for today, which is day one.

Now, onto my six month results which I am so excited about! I'm continuing to track my progress on a chart on my refrigerator every month. When I stepped on the scale this morning I could have cried....

That's a total weight loss of 27.9 pounds in six months. And yes, that .1 pound drives me crazy, I would have loved an even 28 pounds but I'm completely thrilled with the progress I made. I've also been tracking my measurements I won't type them all out this time, but I'm happy to say my total inches lost is 19.5! Below are some progress photos. January, March, and July. Also it's summer so I have the bonus of a tan now!

I've thoroughly been enjoying this time in my life so far, and I encourage anyone to jump on the wagon with me. I'd love to have friends and family share this with me. If you're inspired but struggling to feel motivated or encouraged talk to me and I'll do my best to help how I can!

Focus on the feeling- Day 54

This is what someone said to me when I shared my weight loss pictures with them.

I'm going to put the scale aside right now and reflect on what I'm feeling.

I have more energy-
I used to sit on the couch most of the day. Unless I was cleaning I was sitting. Now I'm wrestling with my kids for exercise (they love that) and I've made small changes like instead of the couch I sit on the floor and stretch to improve my flexibility.

I don't crave sugar and junk food-
Ok well SOMETIMES I could really go for a cheeseburger. Hey, I'm human.

I had a major accomplishment this month-
I put on a pair of jeans! I haven't put on a pair of jeans in at least a year. None of them fit me. Only one pair fits me now but it's one more than what fit me 56 days ago when I started this thing.

I hardly exercised in the second half of February. Those darn steps put me put for two days and then I got sick, and then it rained for days. Excuses excuses! I admit it! But now it's time to get back out there!

I finished one round of the 21 day shred! Tim did it with me and I'm so proud of him. He was brave enough to just eat whatever I made for him, even when he didn't like it. And it paid off, he lost 11 pounds in 3 weeks! I'll get to my results shortly.

We are now starting round 2 of the 21 day shred.

This March I will focus on my running. I ran for over half of 2013 and was up to almost 6 miles. We moved into our home and I just stopped. I never did get to run an official race. This year however I plan to run my first 5k and 10k before the end of May. (Maybe we'll talk about a half marathon later.....maybe)

I'm trying not to focus too much on my goal for the end of all this, partly because this will never really end. I want to enjoy each phase, think about each pound I work to lose, focus on how I feel in the moment. Enough stalling. These are not my shred results. I'll tell you I lost 5.8 pounds in 3 weeks but my actual goals are monthly so here is what I've accomplished in the month of February:

Weight: -7.4
Neck: -0
Arm: -.25
Bust: -.5
Waist: -.5
Hips: -0
Thigh: -.5
Calf: -0

Total for the year:
Inches: 10.75 inches
Weight Loss: 16.2 pounds

January 5th, February 8th, February 29th

I am deeply ashamed of January 5th. I've been back and forth for 4 hours trying to decide if I should share these. Upon reflection though, as embarrassed as I am, the way I look, miserable and unhappy, is exactly how I felt that night. I looked in the mirror and said "I can't live like this" and decided it would be the last time I looked like this. That should be documented.  I carried 3 babies, my body has done incredible things, and even though I'm not creating life, I'm realizing the incredible things my body can do beyond that.

I went from starting 10 pounds over my pre-baby number 3 weight to 6.2 pounds under it! I haven't seen the 170's in over a year *doing my happy dance*
If you're reading this I hope it inspires you, and if you're looking for support in your own journey I'd love to talk to you about it!