Our MOPS group is currently doing a bible study using the book "No More Perfect Moms" written by Jill Savage. We are three chapters in and I feel like I might burst from all of the insight, perspective, and peace it is giving me. I wanted to share those things with everyone I can, because letting go of negativity and letting the Holy Spirit in is such an amazing thing!
Ok, Mom confession time.
I yell at my kids at least once a day
I've killed their joy by yelling at them for playing too loudly
I say no a lot because I'm to preoccupied to get something out that they want, or I don't want them to make a mess.
I have judged other moms and other people
I have told myself I'm better than other people
Chapters 2 and 3 of this book are fantastic, I really do recommend every mom, even dads, read this book. I wanted to cry through all of chapter 3, I'll get to that in a minute.
Like most of us I have a problem with pride, and that is just the sort of thing that would keep me from confessing my shortcomings. I don't want to be judged, I don't want to people to think I'm a bad mom. The thing is though, I'm not a bad mom, I'm an imperfect mom. Humility is an amazing thing. I won't quote the book, I'm not sure if that's a copyright issue, but I will say that if you take the time to focus on humility instead of pride, it will give you a great joy and peace. No more hiding your shortcomings, no more judging others for theirs. It's a liberating feeling.
Chapter 3 focuses on our expectations of our kids. I always thought I had a handle on that. They don't need to get perfect grades, I don't even expect them to go to college. Sure, those things would be great, but expectations always lead to disappointment. There is so much more to it than that. While reading this book, I realized that I have unrealistic expectations for them right now. Expectations that kill their joy, and cause me to have outbursts where they aren't necessary.
We're getting ready to go somewhere and I need to get Billy's coat and shoes on him but he wants to jump around for 30 seconds more. Jumping is definitely his favorite mode of transportation. I yell at him to "get over here NOW!" When we get in the car instead of sitting in his seat he walks around the van. I yell at him to "get in his seat NOW!" When the kids are laughing and playing, they are getting along but loudly, I yell "settle down NOW!" I expect my kids to listen to me when I tell them to stop doing something that is actually wrong, but getting angry with them for doing things that give them joy as children, I can do better than that. God trusted me to care for them, to train them up in the Lord. They trust me to care for them, and I feel like I'm letting them down.
Also my kids will make actual mistakes. I really was expecting perfection without even realizing it. If I let them make mistakes, I'd be giving them grace, which is something we all need to give and receive a little more of in a world of imperfect people.
I'm in such a habit now of quick and hot responses to things that don't warrant it, it's going to be a tough habit to break. I'm in such a habit of saying no, it's going to be tough to break. I'm going to do my best here. There are still many more chapters in this book and I can't wait to see what clarity it brings on subjects like our bodies, our marriages, our homes, and more. Whether your faith is strong or non existent this book can change your perspective and guide you away from high expectations and worry, and towards peace and confidence in yourself as a person and a mom.
More information is available on http://www.heartsathome.org/ and you can buy the book on amazon.com or christianbook.com
